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I’d been there plenty of times with buddies and wasn’t going to take my boys there after dark. I’ve seen it in Mexico and I’ve seen it here in the Philippines.

But a short tour for the afternoon as we got some lunch was a real eye-opener for them at what the ‘real world’ can become. Consider the following statistics taken from a study done ten years ago..

Now, in the last few years Hollywood has done a bit to improve the area.. Well, back in the mid 90’s it was every bit as grungy as it had ever been.

Homeless people everywhere, middle-aged drag queens, sketchy characters all the way around.

I immediately pushed the Trust Fund Charmer in front of me and hauled ass back to his giant deathmobile.

Then he tells me it’s illegal to feed alligators in Florida. During our outing he told me that he was a phlebotomist.

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I didn't realize how quickly I was coming up behind another car — it looked like it was standing still — until my friend riding shotgun started screaming.The car saw me and swerved out of the way just in time (thank God).The other time, I was racing another young brat in his BMW on a backcountry road.I had lived in Miami for 2 weeks when a guy sent me a message on OKCupid who seemed really cool. So on a Friday he said he could pick me up but when I saw a giant black jeep with tinted windows in front of my building I refused to get in for a while because he could kill me in that thing without anyone noticing.I messaged him back and told him he could only take me on a date if he promised to take me to see alligators. He swore he wouldn’t kill me (and I already left a note on my counter with his name and phone number in case I went missing and the police searched my apartment) so I got in.




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